How To Overcome Shyness
There are many reasons why some people are shy. As it turns out, it is partly due to their past. Meaning that whatever behavior that has been negatively judged upon them before, it will affected them in some ways of the future. (usually causing them to avoid that same situation—shyness) It also turns out that when a behavior is positively judged upon, it will affect an individual in a better way. (they are willing to go through the same situation)
If you are shy, there is a way to change that. Actually, there are quite a few ways to do that. One of the quickest way to alter your personality is to have something something dramatic happen to you e.g; near-death experience. I do not recommend you achieving such thing what so ever, but the reason why this example would immediately change your personality is all because of your mind.
Understand that your mind takes in everything, everyday; your morning routine, the drive to school, and so on. These activities that you do are patterns. They are simply aspects of your character. If you wanted, can you just wake up one morning and not brush your teeth? Sure you can! You also don’t have to go to school while you’re at it! But really, ask yourself, are you really going to do it? Most likely not. It’s not because you can’t prove me wrong, but because deep in your mind, you can’t seem to control your subconscious thought to simply not brush your teeth, or not go to school. It’s something that has become your pattern. And here’s the thing, it is your pattern.image by photostock
One important thing to get out of this article is that repeated ideas forms the way you perceive your own reality. So for instance, if you grew up with a belief that was told by your parents, why would you otherwise think that it was false? You really couldn’t prove your brain to argue with the belief. Not to mention, your parents are usually right about things, and this makes the belief even more powerful to accept!
So let’s say that the belief told by your parents was something like how dogs like to bite people. With no other ways of finding this out yourself, you have seen it happen on TV where a police dog is held by an officer when the dog hunts the bad guy down. Although this reality is true but misleading, your mind enforces that belief that dogs really do bite people—and the reason why this may be misleading is because police dogs are trained to do so under certain condition. This misleading input however has caused your brain to construct a physical association with dogs biting people, and you now fully believe that dogs are evil and are out to bite everyone.
What happens now? You will of course avoid dogs at all cost! You do so because you don’t want to get bitten. Now I’m not sure if you’re aware, but not all dogs bite. Most are very friendly, take my word for it. If you don’t want to believe me, then you are essentially doing the same thing when you are shy.
Man is made by his belief. As he believes, so he is.
Johann Wolfgang von Goethe
By not believing me that dogs are very friendly, you are keeping your old habit of thinking that dogs are dangerous. Essentially when you are shy, you tend to not break out of that habit because you have some sort of dangerous belief that has caused you to be that way. There could be many reasons contributing to your shyness, but more than likely it has to do with rejections.
What do I mean by rejections? Things like worrying that people won’t like you for who you are, or because you think you’re not good enough. These thoughts in your mind is belief. On top of that, these beliefs are so painful that you avoid them at all cost—just like how you avoid dogs. But good news is that you can always change your belief. Remember what I told you the one thing you should definitely get by reading this article? “Repeated ideas forms the way you perceive your own reality” It’s alright, it’ll be repeated one more time later so that it can get stuck in your head!image by graur codrin
So why is it hard for the mind to change its habit? Well, like the same reason why you may not consider that dogs are friendly, you have a strong belief that it will happen to you because it has already happened in the past. Your brain finds a way to take that ‘belief’ and support it at all cost. The only only of breaking a habit is to really find out yourself and to see the truthfulness of this so-called ‘belief’. The only problem with this is that rarely do we really go out on our own and actually do it. So how do you break a habit if you’re not even willing to step foot out?
The mind contains a powerful imagery tool, your thoughts. There is your conscious. Then there is your subconscious. Your thoughts is what contributes to your subconscious, but your conscious is what you really need to take hold of. Can you take hold of your conscious? Well, as soon as you read this sentence, I want you to think of your toothbrush.
Congratulation, you 99.99% likely thought about your toothbrush! As silly as that sounds, I believe that in order to make change, you must be willing to enjoy doing what you do, and humor is one of the best way to encounter this!
Now you see that your conscious is controllable after-all! What you need to understand is when you consciously think about an experience inside your mind, you will get the same emotional effect as you would when you physically experience it, if not stronger.
image by farconville
Shyness is a result of those subconscious thoughts that you have about yourself. If you are the type of person that consciously go over bad experiences in your head, you are further increasing that negative subconscious thought of it; whereas if you think about positive experiences, you will increase that effect. Once in a while you will face some kind of failure; a bad date, an awkward moment, you get the idea. Everyone faces this, so understand that.
The mind is a power asset. Every time you face such scenario, it’s okay to think about what just happened or why it did happen. But once you have thought about it, move on! This conscious thinking is detrimental when you obsessively think about it. The same reason when you self-talk yourself negatively e.g; feeling sorry for yourself. Remember, by thinking such thing in your mind, you are further increasing the effect!
Any thought that is passed on to the subconscious often enough and convincingly enough is finally accepted.
If you want to help yourself as much as I’m willing to provide the help, you will overcome shyness. After finishing this article, you will become more aware of what thoughts goes on in your mind —which is important because you will effectively be able to control your conscious ways of thinking—for the positive of course.image by Danilo Rizzuti
Think More Positive Things About Yourself!
As simple as that sounds, this is the first step that you must take. Just remember that when you have a negative belief, you want to prove it wrong. Saying “I’m too shy” is only supporting that belief, so why would you want to do that? Instead, think about thoughts like “I am not shy!” and here’s the thing, you say “I am”, not “I will be” or “tomorrow I am a” no.. stop here. You are acknowledging the present of yourself not being shy now. Not tomorrow or in 20 years, but today, right now.
I still sweat bullets if I go on The Tonight Show, but I tell myself, You can either have fun tonight or you can be shy and miserable. You ask my friends or anyone I work with now – nobody would say I was shy.
Lara Flynn Boyle
Repeat this conscious thought in your mind and your subconscious will take over, I promise. Do it enough time, and it will become a new habit, which by the way, is how you break an old habit. The mind is very flexible when it comes to altering your current state of mind, it’s just a matter of how much work you’re willing to do.
Remember when I talked about you brushing your teeth or going to school, and how it’s become your pattern? It is essentially the same pattern that you go by when you do something while being shy. Here are some traits that shows shyness:
- Biting your lips
- Looking away quickly after talking to someone
- Touching a certain body part of yourself
- Not looking at someone in the eyes
And of course, you may be doing something totally different whenever you’re shy, but regardless, you are doing some kind of pattern when your shyness arises.
These pattern that you do can be broken. The next time when you are out and you bite your lips or whatever it is that you do, take your conscious thought and force yourself to not repeat those acts. Overtime, these pattern that you’ve been doing will all of a sudden seem unnatural to you because your new pattern of habit takes over. You don’t have to believe me now, but if you’re willing to accept my words, your subconscious will take over and your conscious will fall in its place.
image by renjith krishnan
Here’s a funny scenario. At one point when I used to be shy, I would talk to a girl and eventually get to the point of asking her out. The whole transition was a total mess because I was repeating “so yeah” at the end of every sentence! This was my pattern when my shyness got the best of me. I did ask her out and got put down however, that is not the point! The point is that I went out of my comfort zone and my mind became full aware of how shy I was for repeating “so yeah”. The next time I asked another girl out, my conscious thought had told me to not repeat “so yeah” so many times!
One thing I want to point out from this scenario is that I didn’t think negatively at all. Okay, so I was bummed when she said no, but other than that, I was extremely proud of myself. No, it wasn’t because I managed to say “so yeah” at a breaking number record, but because I managed to asked someone out and got feedback. It’s also great when you have moments where you can look back in the past and just laugh about it—and remember what I mentioned about humor before? “I believe that in order to make change, you must be willing to enjoy doing what you do, and humor is one of the best way to encounter this!” This is one of my personal things that I can just look back at and laugh about.
As you see, anyone can think of negative things they want if they were in my shoes, but when someone think of something shocking like “Wow, I just asked a girl out the first time!” or “So that’s what I need to work on, by not saying ‘so yeah’ a billion times!” I guarantee you that they will look positive in almost any situation and will want to give whatever it may be another try.image by photostock
Any beliefs that you want to change, you need to ask yourself why you think this way. If you don’t like the belief, then change it by repeating different habits—a different pattern. Your mental state of rehearsal is so powerful. It has the ability to change the way you act and think the way that you guide it. I don’t know about you, but that is something very powerful to me, especially when you can believe what you want to believe. There is no limit beyond out imagination. Only when we stop imagining it will then there be a limit.
Before I conclude this article, I did not steal this quote anywhere (like I usually do) and thought of it on my own, so I think I deserve some recognition!
Repeated ideas forms the way you perceive your own reality.
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